I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
