my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
This house was built for laser tag.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
