If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
