The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
we're so committed to being not committed
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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