last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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