Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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