i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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