I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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