toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
