the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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