I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
