she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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