she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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