I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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