He passed out mid-signature
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
