i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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