I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
