Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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