and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
