hotel room ftw
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
