Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Randomize
