Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
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