dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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