mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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