I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
