There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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