Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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