You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
