Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
