I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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