i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
