Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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