Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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