you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
