My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
