i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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