Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
