you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
