I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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