Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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