I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
