There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
