we were pretty classy up until the second keg
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
