mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
