R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
