the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
