Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
