is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
