She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
