I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
