Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
ttyl tear gas
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
