I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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